Emo post

This one's about a girl. If she ever reads this, which I hope she does, then I hope she understands.

I've been feeling a bit down of late, having fallen out with the girl, but I don't feel it was entirely fair, I was made to be the villan by her own victimisation. There were so many things that she could have done to stop what happened, like being as straight up with me as she always insisted I was with her.

But that's not the point, she's got new friends now, and a new guy too. But I miss her, more than I ever thought I would. I really cared for her, and while I may not have shown it so well, she was one of my best friends. The amount of time we'd spend together, is now empty time. I don't like this feelin of lonelyness at all. I guess what I wanted her for was not the sex, but the companionship. I like to feel that. I'll never get back what I lost with her, and I suppose she'd say that it was karma, but while I made mistakes, I never hurt her diliberately. I never wnated for this too happen, and it's possible that I'll be fine once I find another girl. But there will always be a place for her.

It's hard knowing that she moved on so quick, as if my holiday wasn't just me going away, but a chance for her to start cutting me out of her life. She's replaced me, and in some ways I'm happy that she's got more friends, friends that will be there for her after I've gone. But it doens't make me feel much better. I know that my lifestyle is one that is not often thought highly of, but while I'm young and able, I want to enjoy what I enjoy. Even if what I enjoy is chatting up girls. In the end, it all comes down to sex, and for me, talking to girls, just being with girls, is one of my favourite things. I get such a buzz and I enjoy the rewards, but there are many times when I need that bit of reliable female company. Someone who is more than just a lay, more than just some girl, and while it's rare that the girls I meet are so casual, it's nice to have something more intimate, more personal.

I want what I had with this girl back, not the sex, but the company. I miss her so much. I don't know what I'd do just to spend a night with her again. Especially with me going away. I don't want to have such a big regret, I don't want to leave on bad terms. She's one of the coolest girls I know, and as close as any of my girlfriends have ever been, but it went wrong, and now I can't look at her without feeling that hurt. I miss her soo much. I don't know how I caoul ever fix it, and in soo many ways I don't want to, because I don't want to mess up what she has now.

I will get over this soon enough, but for now - I just want her back.

TOUR!!!!

Yeah,

I'm going on Tour! Rob, the brains and skillzzz behind the awesome I Have Clones and I are off for three weeks around the UK to play the music to 1 man and his dog in as many venues as will have us!

However, we're going in a corsa. Which will be shit for sleeping in, so if you live near any of the venues (obviously we'll see you at the gig) then let us know if we can crash with you. It'd be a massive favour and we'd do our best to return the favour.

Seriously, help us out if you can, we'll love you for it! I hope to see you all at the gigs, come and say hi if you see us :)

x0x

the fun you can have with girls

this is a rather self-indulgent post.

I'm rather annoyed, that through no fault (other than perhaps a slight forgetfulness) I feel beat down because I've done something wrong.

I can't be assed to explain the situation, but I sure feel I'm getting made the villan for no reason. I know life isn't fair but there's a limit.

I'm really looking forward to my holiday now, it'll be really nice to get away, and to see my dad and while I'm really going to miss some people (they know who they are) I'm going to really enjoy not organising anything. I tend to end up taking charge, and as soon as you do, you do it wrong. It's impossible to please all parties, and the more you try, the worse it gets.

Last night I shouldn't have bothered to try and organise going to the pub. I should have stuck with the plan that was made for me, even if it did mean leaving people out. It would've worked out a lot easier if I just hadn't bothered. How silly of me to try and include all my friends.

Is it worth it?

It has occured to me lately, that a lot of things really aren't worth the effort.

Uni - see previous post
relationships - surely far more hassle than they're worth
gigs - far too much effort and that I'm sure of
bands - not too bad...

I guess it's just the stress of trying to run a promotions company and having so few people come along. I don't try to make money, I just want the bands to get paid for their efforts (or at least their petrol!)

I got a good friend in to help, but that rather turned into a disaster as we're both as stubborn as each other, and now I think she hates me :( this certainly wasn't the intention - more people = less stress? I wish!

Everytime I do a gig, it seems that I put so much work in, and while the bands are always great (there has been only one exception so far) I don't make any money and the night ends rather on a low. I don't want this, but I don't know how to actually get more people into that room and enjoying it!

So I guess the big qustion is simply - is it worth it?

why go to all this effort? my band plays to a bunch of apathetic people who only came to see their mate, and to the wags as usual, and the other bands suffer the same.

There's a gig coming up on the 3rd June, I think it will be my last (at least until after summer) I don't mean to be emo today, or melodramatic, but this blog is for me to write what I want so there.

PS

Listen to:

iwrestledabearonce
rolo tomoassi
cobra starship
brand new - always listen to brand new
glassjaw
sonic boom six

now go to bed.

Cunts that don't like music

I know a lot of people that list music as an interest.
I know a lot of these people won't pay £2 to see some new bands and support a friend.

University

I'm sure you all know I'm at uni, and right now I have two exams looming over me. I don't have a clue what I'm doing, but I've had a few thoughts about the whole uni process.

If I could I'd do a dissertation on why most universities are plain awful and ways to improve them.

I know I'm just bitching really, but I'm sure there's a lot of you out there that think that the quality of teaching, and organization is so poor even in comparison to college.

I don't know what I want this post to achieve, and I know everyone dislikes uni, but perhaps if people realised quite how retarded it is at times then something might be done. Paying £9K for someone to tell you to read a book, or to talk about gear with your class mate seems a little steep.

Perhaps there should be a cull of universities - get rid of all the ones offering lame courses that make no sense, get rid of the ones with low entry grades. Universities should be for the kids that really want to learn, the ones that actually do what the staff tell them to. Improve the quality, increase the entry grades, really make a degree something worth having. With smarter kids, there'll be less drop-outs, and the standard of teaching can be improved.

I realise this will mean I'm out on my ass, but the fact is, universities are promising to 'teach' people when it's not really like that at all, it's just guidance. So, for all the non-redbrick unis, stop the charade, go back to being poly-technics and institutes and all that shit, stop trying to act all grown up, and stop accepting people that clearly aren't committed.

Uni is too much the easy choice for people that don't want to start work, for people that aren't worried by their huge debts, and it's not good, degree standard is low enough already! If uni was something that really had to worked at to get into, something that required real proof of dedication then those that are too lazy to make the most of it will be filtered out.

Not that there should be no-where for those people to go, the ex-universities can help there, with a more structured and college like style courses, designed to really teach these people, but courses should be reduced to one year, with follow-ups for those more advanced.

I realise that I wouldn't get into uni if this system worked, but I also feel I learnt a lot more in my a-levels than I have done at uni. It sure feels to me like I've barely learnt anything, just been introduced to a load of stuff.

Yeah, I'm ranting, but surely there's a lot of people that agree with me? Not nessesarily about the solution, but about how shitty unis can be.

Bah, I don't like exams.

Comfortable?

I wasn't last night

I guess someone who is truely confident will be comfortable in every situation. Last Night I dressed up as a pirate, and while people said it looked good, I felt pretty unhappy. I made me think - I'm a confident person, I get on well with people and I very much enjoy my life, but remove me from my comfort zone, and will I be the same? Or will I collapse into a neurotic, self hating wreck?

I don't think I would, but I'm gunna be trying it anytime soon!

IN OTHER NEWS

I'm attempting to book ATWE a tour atm, I need dates in the UK and perhaps a tour support to come with us. As well as that, I need to sort out a van and make sure everyone can make it! Check out

At The Waters Edge - Facebook
At The Waters Edge - Myspace
and VsVsVs Booking - Myspace


ALSO!

SCRUFFY MURPHYS 13th MAY



For everyone that's reading these posts on facebook, they get imported from a blog, I import it to save effort, not so everyone reads it.