SEX

so, I thought I've done enough about music for now and it's time to cover the 2nd most important thing ever. (first is music, third is snowboarding - money doesn't count, it's just an enabler)

Inspired by the amazingling stunted article in Spaghetti Junction, BCUs uni mag (almost as bad as the Aston Times) who I just applied to write for... Hi if you're reading this!

The question:
1 Is Romance dead?
2 What constitutes as dating?
3 How does a relationship really work?

in short:
1 Yes
2 Sex with talking in between
3 Badly, with too much of the talking and not enough of the sex

but that's just from my perspective - I think that this is not the way for most people! So, in long:

1
Romance is a concept that is touched upon, a single gesture or an entire evening can be romantic, unfortunately romantic is often a synonym for cliche. If a guy takes a girl for a meal, candle lit, single rose on the table, then on to a nice bar (and I mean an actual bar, not just the nearest place that does cheap booze) for a drink and a dance, then walks her home. Well then he's probably loaded. But if you're imaginitive you can still be romantic. If you like your partner, all it takes is a little effort to say I Love You in a nice way. We're all too lazy these days, but make the effort, surprise that special someone, and you'll both be happier for it.


2
Dating is a bit of an enigma. No longer do we meet the oposite sex in pubs/bars we're all too scared to take the plunge unless we're drunk and in a club! Which ruins the dynamic completely, you can't go from full snogging to dating, and you really shouldn't go from a one night stand to dating. It sets the whole thing up in the wrong way (although this is exactly how I like to do it!)

Either that, or we're getting with our mates, no this works great, you know you get on and everything goes great till you break up. All of a sudden everything gets really fucking awkward for you, him/her and all your other mates. So my advice is, unless you're sure about it, don't fuck your mates!

So, the classic way is to get her number while your out, the go for coffee, if that's good, then a meal, then a goodnight kiss, the another meal, and 'back to mine for coffee' - these days it's a pull and a number, then 'wanna come over and watch a dvd' yeah, we all know what that means, I sure hope so, because I'm texting that to a girl sometime soon (how long do you leave it? 3 days minimum, what's the max!)

But this doesn't lead to a healthy relationship, it leads to sex and intimacy issues, so if that's what you're after then go you, but if you want a real relationship that random you pulled the other night is not the one. My advice is to MEET PEOPLE! it's all you can do, your friends will have friends you don't know, so go with them sometime, meet your mates mates, becomes mates with them, then meet their mates. This increases your circle and number of possible partners hugely, and without ever having to do it the real man way and actually talk to a stranger. So that's for the wusses, and for the guys with balls, go to a pub and introduce yourself to a table of people, most of the time they'll be lovely people and you'll have a great time talking to them, and you never know who you might meet!

Keep an open mind, have confidence in yourself and you'll find someone soon (I don't know where this went from dating dynamics to dating advice, but hell, it can't hurt can it! (oh and I don't think I'm an expert, I'm just bad at staying on topic!))



3 - Finally!
Relationships are hard, I should know, I've been in 3 in the last 8 months! So of mine start with the sex. With no intention to go further, but the sex leads to more sex which leads to a relationship, fine. Once in the relationship, we spend a fair amount of time together, maybe 3/4 nights a week. This time is spent playing games or watching films, and occasional nights out. Perhaps this is too much time together not doing much, which is why the relationships don't last more than a few months. So, my friends relationships... Living apart from each other means they only see each other one weekend in two, usually with both nights spent out, once to a club, once just the pub. And perhaps this is the way it should be, they've been together a long time and seem to have no problems. Other friends are living with their partners, but when they're both working full time, this seems like a good arangement, evenings are spent relaxing together, and weekends are for fun things.

You know what, just do whatever works! I don't know what the secret is, but there's been times when I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it work.

Right now - I'm happily single, so if that's your thing let me know ;)