A Sexless Update

It's day 24, over halfway, but not over the hard part. This challenge is getting harder and harder every day. I'm meeting more and more people and wanting more and more to busy with them. The idea of having a wank is something that almost makes me nervous with anticipation, I really want to, but now I've lasted this long it seems like such a waste.

I'm a little dissapointed by the amount that's been donated, I was hoping to get a bit more by now, but I do know a lot of people that have promised to donate some. Hopefully if all of them keep their word I'll break that £500 mark.

Some of you have asked why I choose Cancer Research to raise money for, it's great charity, that is making decent developments, and could stop the suffering of hundreds of thousands of people. But more than that, some of you already know, but I lost my Mum to cancer. This project is now too close to me to turn my back on, so no matter how sexy the girl, failing to me, would be like failing my Mum. Something I simply won't do. Some of you will understand what it's like to lose a parent, and this is my way of making her proud - so please help me do so.

This really means a lot to me, so every bit of support, and every donation, no matter how small really does help.

Thanks again to everyone who has donated, and to everyone who has shown their support in other ways.

Love to you all :) (but not physically obviously!)

www.justgiving.com/40days

Forum

I'm looking for a good forum to wander about on. Nothing too specific, but generally interesting topics, music/films/games random shit...

I thought I had but it's getting worse everyday mostly thanks to the annoying unemployed northern prick that has to shove his face and shit jokes into every thread. Oh, and the rest of the people seem to be sad boys hoping desperately for some DIY boob pics they can pretend is the girl they met last week, and girls looking for approval on the internet.

At least the girls are hot.

Well, if anyone can suggest something to me, or possible join me in some hobo flaming I'd much appreciate.

Tattoo

I've come over with a very strong urge to get more tattoo.

I need to get my belly piece finished, and I want to get some more stuff done to my chest, building it into a complete chest piece. I'm also hoping to get my left arm filled up with some more geeky shit, and my right arm done with a complete sleeve based around the Wildermere comics, but I wanna get that done by the original artist. I'm saving my left calf for my Dad, and I want more writing on the lower left side of my back... but I still have lots of bits here and there, so here's my proposal.

If you're an artist, and you'd like to see your work tattoo'd on someone, then send me some pictures, and if I like them, I'll get them done. Simple as that - you draw on me!

KEEP DONATING YOU MOFOS! www.justgiving.com/40days

HALF WAY!

Yeaaaaah Boi!

So, I've reached the halfway point and I'm still going strong. I don't feel too affected by it personally, other than the constant urge to have a wank that is, and and wanting to have sex with pretty much every girl I see. Still, I'd like to think my standards are still pretty reasonable, it's the cute ones that are really screwing with my head.

I seem to be meeting more cool girls recently, which is a little annoying! Oh well, I'm gunna be on fire once this is over!

Anyway - Please please please donate some money, I'm halfway through and I've not got half the money yet, so if you were waiting to donate, now is a good time! It doesn't matter how much, anything from 20p to £200 is welcome, it's just great to know you support me.

And thanks to all the people that I've spoken to, it really does mean a lot to hear encouragement.

Peace and love (of the non-physical kind)

working it all out.

so, with all this stuff going on everywhere, so many places to put content it's all gettig a bit confusing. It's a good thing I don't do video blogs and take photos as well or I'd be really screwed!

Facebook - this is for communicating with friends and flirting with girls - Personal, Informal, Intimate, Interactive
Tumblr - this is for showing off cool shit - Informal, Impersonal, Global,
Blogspot - this is for writing - Formal, Personal, Intimate, Mono
Twitter - I still have no idea what this is actually good for - Informal, Global, Useless

So, from now on - anything more than a quote or status update will go here. Cool pictures, quotes, videos and links go on tumblr. Personal status's about how I am, and what I'm up to will go on my Facebook. Announcements and adverts will be twittered.

and of course, everything has a link to everything else, and most content is posted to the other places, but now in the smallest possible way.

There's this girl right...

From back home, I didn’t know her all that way, but she’s very talented and very very good looking. And well… I got close a few times, but nothing ever came of it. Everytime I see her pictures appear I get a pang of regret that I didn’t try that little bit harder.

The last thing I want is to be a dodgy interenet guy, I’m sure there’s plenty of those who know her only through her pictures. I just wanted to put this out there. Maybe it’s the lack of sex, maybe she’s the one. Either way, I would give too much just for one night with her.

I haven't forgotten you blogger!

But tumblr is a lot more casual, and therefore better for the everyday stuff. This is for SRS bloggin ONRI

Anyway, back to the original purpose - today I think you need to listen to

Emarosa
Dance Gavin Dance
Burden Of A Day
Lower Than Atlantis
Blackhole
Blakfish (RIP)

why valentines day sucks

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it for any particular reason, I just think it's generally a bad idea here's some reasons why

1) it's an expensive waste of time - you spend money on shit you don't need - cards end up in the bin, flowers wilt. (flowers are just as nice any other day, and less expensive!)

2) It's never balanced - one party will always spend/do more than the other, which can lead to several problems. The one who spent more feels unappreciated unloved or bitter, the one who is spoilt feels smothered, maybe scared of the level of commitment shown

3) It upsets other people, it's a massive festival that says 'sucks to be you' to everyone without a partner, which just ain't cool

4) It puts additional pressure on a new relationship. Guaging what to do for a new partner is always hard, you don't want to do too much, nor too little.

Yeah, that's why it sucks - I personally don't like to do too much, and if a girl went all out then I'd be very scared.

Here's what I suggest instead - Agree to spend nothing on each other, but instead show how much you love each other with personal gifts. Write them a letter, draw them a picture, make a collage of photos, write a song, fix that light in the bathroom they've been nagging about, do all the chores, something that shows you really care, not some shitty off the shelf romantic statement or a bunch of cliches.

Most importantly, remember - if you love someone, you will show them that everyday, not just valentines.

day 10

Well, in 7 more hours I will have completed one whole quarter of my challenge.

I won't lie, I wish I hadn't done this now, but I said I would and I'm going to get it done. I used to think about sex a lot, but before it was a nice thought, now all it does is remind me of what I can't do. I keep ending up talking about sex, which doesn't make things any better, and sitting on the front website. I even checked out a new porn site the other night - it looked good but I've got 30 more days before I can appreciate it!

While I might well want my sex, I'm getting lots of time to play games and watch films, catching up on old werewolf movies and Ghost in the Shell atm - Recomendations welcome for more ways to keep my hands busy!

Oh yeah - I've also started doing more exercise - maybe I'll grow a muscle!

Girls who model...

I think this is gunna cause some controvesy - I don't mean it too, and I don't mean any offence - so please don't take any.

I have nothing against models, or modelling of any sort. Putting hot girls in clothes sure works, putting hot girls playing games works, putting hot girls near anything will help it sell. Putting hot girls anywhere will make people want to look at it!

But, I know a lot of girls who want to be models (some are doing pretty damn well, some are doing good, some who look gorgeous, some who look good)and it seems to me there's rather an overwhelming amount of them at the moment - meaning competition is harder so:

1) It's not that you're not pretty, it's that she's prettier.

Unless you're really arrogant you know there are going to be people who are better looking than you, and these people may well get the job. So don't get upset because you're too XXX for the job.

Also, remember who you are. Not everyone is the same style - I'm sure most of the girls I know want to model for Drop Dead or Babycakes or Johnny Cupcakes, but there's not a lot of spaces within those jobs. So, if you've got tattoos and piercings you're narrowing your own market so:

2) being alternative makes you stand out - not always a good thing

People need relate to the people selling them shit, so unless you're lucky enough to be selling alt gear, the alt look won't help much. Your style is something you can change, but one thing you can't is you. Plain and simple, if high and mighty is looking for models then someone like me (shortish and skinny) is just not gunna work! It may not be so obvious as that, but you could be stunning and not get it because your face is wrong so:

3) being you is enough for them to say no - it's not personal

Finally, the people that choose models probably look at thousands of people a week, going for a job seems a total lottery to me!

Still, if you're willing to get yourself an awesome portfolio of shots and go for every job that comes up you could well end up doing it and good on you.

I know I know fuck all about the modelling/fashion world, but that's my impression. I don't want you to think I'm some knob, I'm just putting my view out there, and all I see is girls upset by rejection letters (and a couple getting work!) and it makes me wonder.

I couldn't do it myself, I wouldn't like the rejection, and I'd hate to live in the hands of the casting people. I like to do things for myself, not be chosen!

well, it's possible that's all shite - I'm sure you'll tell me if it is :)

Make Time Faster!

I don't think I've ever been in a situatuion where I've wanted to make a month go by so much! There's fuck all going on this month, I'll just wake up in march please?

Friends

Why do we have friends?

For an entirely selfish purpose really, friends help us feel better - whether it’s cheering you up when you’re sad, or just helping you to enjoy a good night out. Good friends will have a mutual relationship, both being able to rely on each for support, and for good times.

Sometimes it can be hard to be a good friend, if someone is going through a bad period, it may seem like a waste of time to keep on supporting them - but if you know they were a good friend, and will be again once they’re sorted out - it’s worth it. Think of your friends like torrent downloaders - there’s a seed/leech ratio. If someone is leeching from you, exhausting your energy and pulling you down, without ever supporting you, or making you smile - then that is a bad friend! Maybe their skills aren’t in making you laugh, but comforting you when you’re down, or even just making you feel good about yourself.

Just take a second to think about your friends, do they drag you down or lift you up? Are they really worthy of being your friend?

Now - think of yourself, do you do things to lift your friends? Or are you always bitching and moaning? Maybe today you go and do something nice for them, just a text to say how much you appreciate them, or making sure they’re ok. It’s so simple, but making people really is.

Finally - think about those people who really aren’t good friends and ask yourself - do I really need them?

formspring.me

How many people do you reckon get with sam, then realise his best mate is actually a LOT fitter and are gutted? Lol.

every single one!

Ask me anything

Ties

An interesting thought:

Imagine you, and all the people you know are tied together with elastic, in the middle of a field - on one side of that feild is happiness, the other depression. This feild is littered with obstacles and challenges. There's many different routes, some that you can walk, others that are realy hard.

Now, think of the people you know and how they would help/hinder you. There will be some that will help to motivate you to get over the wall, others that will show you a different way around, some that will just watch, others that will tell you you're doing it wrong, some that'll just drag you back. The further away they are the stronger the elastic pulls.

Some people will switch, sometimes helping you, sometimes hindering. But work out who those that never change are - those that continue to help are your true friends, make sure you're pulling them forward as much as they do for you. And those that are always behind you, cut them out of your life. No one should have to deal the constant negativity that those people bring.

In my case I know I would have Sam helping me, inspiring me to enjoy myself and make the most of who I am, Scott will be showing the sceneic route, with great adventures. Forx will help me see the creative way I can progress, Jenn will sometimes pull me back, but when I hold steady she'll help pull me forward again. There's people I dare not mention, that continue to make me smile - they know who they are though. Then I will have others, all niggling around behind me, not holding me back much, but never helping me forward. I intend to cut these people out.

addicted to the internet

Are you?

Apparently 1.2% of the UK population is dangerously addicted to the internet, with withdrawal symptons and everything!

I'm not quite sure what I make of this, it just seems a bit retarded really, an awful lot of our lives is now lived out online but to be addicted is just a bit crazy. I remember when I was younger the long boring evenings I would spend alone nearly every night of the week - unless I'd organised something my friends which would be once or twice a week maybe - I would sit and watch crap tv and play computer games on my own. Then I got msn messenger and myspace, and I would watch crap tv, play computer games and chat online with my friends. I certainly felt less lonely to be comunicating.

So, when it comes to these days, with thousands of ways of comunicating with your friends online do we feel any better? I don't think we do, unless I'm talking to someone new, or having a really good conversation then the daily formalities are all rather pointless. I'd certainly much rather be in the pub with someone real. There's nothing quite like the company of good friends, and no facebook, no tumblr, not even the best game in the world can change this, they can meerly distract you until the next time you can be with those you love.

I guess all we can do is just try to enjoy the time we have, and do something productive with it. If you're sitting there waiting for something to happen, go and make something happen!

Let me set a few things straight here...

Ok, had an argument with someone last night, I got rather angry and upset with them. Most of all I was dissapointed in myself for believing in them.

Anyway, I wanted to clear up a few of the points that wound me up.

1) Straight Edge does not have to include sex. There is no reference to sex in the original song, and for me being sXe is about not using a mindstate altering substance to change my personality. While many also become abstinant, this is not a necessity, just like vegitarianism/veganism. The choices are similar, and a lot of people will abide by all three, but there is no rule that says you must.

For me, Striaght Edge is No Drugs, No Alcohol, No Smoking FOR LIFE. If you tell me that I'm not Edge I will tell you to die. I've had enough.

2) People that sleep around are not necessarily bad people, in fact they often do less hurt than those in relationships. I know that while I did the girlfriend thing I hurt people, I broke up with people, I made mistakes. This all hurt people I cared for. Since I've stopped dating I've still hurt people, but I think I've hurt less people, in less serious ways than I would've if I had kept dating. I respect the people I sleep with, I make sure they understand what I'm about before I sleep with them, I don't lie, I don't con people into sex.

I'm not saying you should all do it, but if two people can enjoy themselves having casual sex, with no damage being done, then who is to say this is a bad thing?

Call me a slag, a ho, a whore, a tramp or whatever, but tell me that I'm a bad person because of it and I'll tell you to die. I've had enough.

3) I've actually changed one of my main beliefs because of the conversation last night. I used to believe that all people are completely equal, each is as good as any other, just in different ways. This has changed - I now believe that every person has the power to be as good as anyone else, but they must use what they've got. Simply sitting about bitching, not working or contributing is a total waste of human life, a waste of oxygen. I work hard on making myself a better person, I exercise, I compliment, I enjoy making people feel good about themselves and while I do slip, I try my best to make amends (even if these people don't deserve it).

Everyone can be better, but only some people try.

You get out what you put into this life

1 down...

Ok, day one complete, I only touched myself to pee, and I limited it to two shakes - more than 2 and you're playing with yourself.

In other news,

Hardcore - Old School hardcore seems to be making a resurgence, which is good and is certainly a way to go away from the hideousness of the Teen Hearts Fiasco. I like my hardcore, but the more I hear, the more I feel I've heard it all before. There's a lot of the chunky chords and shouting, and every now and again theres a bit that reminds me of Million Dead. So I tend to get part way through, and switch to Harmony No Harmony. It's nice to see something like Hardcore coming back, but it's a victim of it's own simplicity - there's only so much of this kind of thing that can be made. I'd like to see some more progression really, and while bands like Ghost Of A Thousand are putting on kick-ass live shows, it doesn't really work...

I'd like to hear a combination of them and Blakfish, more traditional heaviness than Blakfish, but more technical quirky bits than GOAT...

Well, I've just made a new band - maybe we'll do it ;)

some music

because there hasn't been enough lately.

for those of you with spotify:

To check out -http://open.spotify.com/user/terrorvision101/playlist/657KZjinEs2fdtJcKPUeUP
Stuff I like - http://open.spotify.com/user/terrorvision101/playlist/7CPWlpTZmh9FXE1ASmz5WL
Stuff I love - http://open.spotify.com/user/terrorvision101/playlist/35uaasstZf9Q7W00hRoeWo

the last test

this should come up on my tumblr feed - I hope... I guess I need to put links n shit everywhere now :(

11 hours 22 mintues down - no problems so far :D