Emo post

This one's about a girl. If she ever reads this, which I hope she does, then I hope she understands.

I've been feeling a bit down of late, having fallen out with the girl, but I don't feel it was entirely fair, I was made to be the villan by her own victimisation. There were so many things that she could have done to stop what happened, like being as straight up with me as she always insisted I was with her.

But that's not the point, she's got new friends now, and a new guy too. But I miss her, more than I ever thought I would. I really cared for her, and while I may not have shown it so well, she was one of my best friends. The amount of time we'd spend together, is now empty time. I don't like this feelin of lonelyness at all. I guess what I wanted her for was not the sex, but the companionship. I like to feel that. I'll never get back what I lost with her, and I suppose she'd say that it was karma, but while I made mistakes, I never hurt her diliberately. I never wnated for this too happen, and it's possible that I'll be fine once I find another girl. But there will always be a place for her.

It's hard knowing that she moved on so quick, as if my holiday wasn't just me going away, but a chance for her to start cutting me out of her life. She's replaced me, and in some ways I'm happy that she's got more friends, friends that will be there for her after I've gone. But it doens't make me feel much better. I know that my lifestyle is one that is not often thought highly of, but while I'm young and able, I want to enjoy what I enjoy. Even if what I enjoy is chatting up girls. In the end, it all comes down to sex, and for me, talking to girls, just being with girls, is one of my favourite things. I get such a buzz and I enjoy the rewards, but there are many times when I need that bit of reliable female company. Someone who is more than just a lay, more than just some girl, and while it's rare that the girls I meet are so casual, it's nice to have something more intimate, more personal.

I want what I had with this girl back, not the sex, but the company. I miss her so much. I don't know what I'd do just to spend a night with her again. Especially with me going away. I don't want to have such a big regret, I don't want to leave on bad terms. She's one of the coolest girls I know, and as close as any of my girlfriends have ever been, but it went wrong, and now I can't look at her without feeling that hurt. I miss her soo much. I don't know how I caoul ever fix it, and in soo many ways I don't want to, because I don't want to mess up what she has now.

I will get over this soon enough, but for now - I just want her back.